Thursday, February 28, 2013

Healing

WALK: Hi everyone it's been quite a while since I have written on here. I think for me I was too wrapped up in not wanting to write about the bad things that have been going on. I do realize that not all can be sunshine and happy days. The very concept of what we do can lead to many issues as has been apparent here. That said Roll and I are doing better, we continue to struggle with some things,but day to day life is getting better. 
As Roll has mentioned I do struggle with many issues that stem from a childhood that was definitely less than ideal. I am learning much about myself and realize that my instinct to gravitate towards things and people who validate me or make me feel good is part of the problem. I have been going to therapy for a couple of years now and right now my focus is on exploring this further. Hearing others say they are attracted to me or want to be with me is a huge ego boost, how can it not be. I know for me the goal is striking a healthy balance of accepting that boost and realizing that all of this is just extra curricular activity. I can not let it get in  the way of what is most important in my life, Roll. I have often disregarded how she was feeling and just assumed all was fine at the moment. I often heard what I wanted and not what was being said. I am also trying to learn a new way of saying things in a more thoughtful way. I have a tendency to just speak without thinking. 
We both started watching a video series yesterday that was done by Reid Mahalko  We first heard him on Tristan Taraminos podcast and also on Life on the Swingset, both great podcasts that deal with non monogamy. If  you have never heard him before you owe it to yourself to listen. He did a video series called relationship10x it's about making your relationship 10 times better. Many of the things he says make a lot of sense.  Check it out and watch his youtube videos they are really pretty good http://reidaboutsex.com.
I also think writing on here can be helpful and if others have thoughts please comment. Thank you to those who have sent the emails and comments and who have reached out trying to help we both appreciate it. 

3 comments:

  1. The big thing is, you are both trying. That is always a positive thing.

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  2. Last weekend I spent time in a retreat outside San Francisco. I was walking along and someone that looks just like Walk walked by. I then started discussing your blog with Swinger. I told him how I loved that you both posted on the blog with your thoughts and how you have been trying to work through some hard issues. I really admire this about you. I think it is a healing process writing things down, validated those feelings to each other, not hiding them.

    You can go back and read older blog post to see how far you have came or strayed, depending on the situation. But you can also use them to work out a better understanding of how each person thinks. I hope you continue to work on things, I think you both have an amazing relationship that can get stronger. Your being stretched thin right now but like a Rubber band, you will both snap back!!

    Your in my thoughts (sounds cheesy but true)

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  3. JF Break- We are trying and we are learning. Thank you for seeing that and being a part.

    Freaky V - Youre sweet. I think we need a retreat outside of San francisco too!
    We appreciate the insight and caring and understanding. It really helps to know somebody gets you or at the very least won't judge and lend a kind thought.
    This is such a growing time for us as couple and we are reinventing and communicating in different ways. It's kinda cool to see. The fog is lifting a bit and its a bit easier to breathe.

    Hugs ~ Roll

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Talk dirty to us.